What is Moonshine?

Moonshine is a term that many say comes from the illegal production and or transportation of spirits that often took place at night.  It is a tradition that farmers have carried out since farmers have had surplus grain.  Moonshine is a reason to not pay taxes, start racing stock cars and even fight the government.

Despite recent rumblings that the TTB will acknowledge something like moonshine as a category, it is currently just “any distilled spirit” that is filed with the TTB as a specialty spirit.

Moonshine is not necessarily a white whiskey.  What you see in stores can quite literally be anything.  Most of it is high proof NGS or cane spirit with water added and packaged in some faux redneck mason jar package perfect for your bullshit faux pinterest wedding.  Some moonshine,  likely 1 in a thousand bottles, is a distilled product by an artisan that just doesn’t fit within a spirits category, for example, it could be an un-aged whiskey of an oddball mash bill.  But this product is really moonshine is spirit only.

I highly recommend buying illegal spirits from illicit distillers. Of all the felonies, moonshine is the most delicious.  However, stuff that says moonshine, infused with cherries, purchased in a grocery store is as much moonshine as  Starbucks is methamphetamine.

word a day moonshine

 

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The New Cocktail Vernacular, The Acronym Suite is over, the “New Vodkas” are next

If you thought this suite was boring, you are right.  I hate acronyms and I really do try to use them less.  I find them to be exclusionary and often, not really time savers, like any acronym with a “W.”  This is why I wanted to explain some spirits basics.

The NFG – less a list of Non Functional Garnishes and more of a thought exercise on creating cocktails deliberately

NOM – the rules of agave production in Mexico, for better or for worse and how to identify tequila distilleries- a stunning transparency not known to many other countries

LDI and MGPI- the mother distillery and the company that owns it

The FNG -Try not to be the FNG by recognizing we are all the FNG -from the Tao of Fucking New Guy

The TTB -your big brother who’s heart is in the right place even if he is over protective and slow

GNS or NGS – as Voltaire would say, “the blank slate”

 

Now that we all know these terms, I can use them freely going forward and not feel like an asshole.

 

Cheers, something more interesting next

 

 

 

 

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The TTB is the ATF without the guns

If you were a little kid with an oblique sense of humor like me, you likely thought that the ATF was the funniest thing ever.  Alcohol, Tobacco AND Firearms & Explosives? Why not just make a “Bureau of Fun & Danger.” Anyway, after the homeland security shakeup, the department was reshuffled and the Alcohol Tobacco Tax & Trade Bureau or to shorten it, the Tax & Trade Bureau or the TTB was born.

WORD A DAY TTB

While they do a lot of things and cause a lot of pain & suffering, (for example, in 1997, they murdered Joe Camel) they are a pretty amazing government agency.

On the bad side, all spirits coming into existence in the USA must be approved by them, from label to formula.  This is frustrating, because sometimes the TTB’s stubbornness or lack of cultural awareness cause a kink in the hose of America’s booze. For example, not recognizing cachaça as a spirit until 2013.  But, for any pain and suffering they do a few other things quite amazingly.

Most notably, their website is fucking amazing.  Enjoy TTB Online, a searchable database of every alcoholic beverage  in America.  This database often includes the home phone numbers of importers and distillers in case you’d like to thank the good people at Kentucky Bourbon Distillers or ask the people at Absolut, “

“Why can’t I get a recycled glass Absolut for Seattle made out of quinoa, flavored with a mild sense of superiority?”

Or, stop arguing about if absinthe, real absinthe, is legal (it is) with a handy TTB press release!   Yes, the TTB knows all the laws and, they keep all the secrets.

The TTB requires recipes and samples for products being served to Americans.  Downside: no tonka beans or really authentic eau di vie (too much methanol) but, upside: no one dies from drinking too much methanol!  The TTB is the keeper of secrets and thusly, there are no secrets.  Is chartreuse a secret recipe? Not in a country with as much bureaucracy as America!  I’d start looking for the recipe online now.

Another thing the TTB helps with is advertising in booze and tobacco.  Compared to the punishing regulations for tobacco advertising, liquor advertising is quite loosely regulated by a handful of government agencies. One of the guiding principles of those agencies to to not market to children, not always easy to enforce because of the infantilization of alcohol.

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What does NOM mean on a tequila bottle?

NOM

word a day NOM

What is a NOM? Here is a quote from: Official Mexican Standard for Tequila NOM-006-SCFI-2005 Alcoholic Beverages – Tequila – Specifications:

This NOM applies to all processes and activities related to the supply of agave, production, bottling, marketing, information and business practices linked to the distilled alcoholic beverage known as Tequila, pursuant to the specifications of this NOM. Said beverage is subject to the process detailed below, using Agave of the species tequilana weber blue variety, grown in the federal states and municipalities indicated in the Declaration.

Furthermore, this NOM establishes the technical specifications and legal requirements for the protection of the Appellation of Origin of “Tequila,” in accordance with the current General Declaration of Protection of the Appellation of Origin of “Tequila,” the Law, the Industrial Property Law, the Federal Consumer Protection Law and other related legal provisions.

NOM is DOC, AOC or Apellation

NOM is DOC, AOC or Apellation

EVERYONE, RUN OUT THE DOOR AND GO HIGH-FIVE A FUCKING LAWYER RIGHT NOW!

But seriously, what does all of that mean?  The NOM is a little number on the back of every 100% agave bottle of tequila.  If you are drinking a mixto, close your computer right now and ask yourself,

“Why don’t I have any standards? Why am I human garbage?”

See the NOM pictured below:

this is where you find the NOM

this is where you find the NOM

The NOM is the Norma Oficial Mexicana or, in English, the Normative Number.  It is a seal guaranteeing that this tequila or mezcal is made to government standards.  Read all of those rules here and learn which tequilas are made at the same distillery on tequila.net .

The NOM rules are basically a book report on how to make tequila and the NOM number names the tequila’s distillery.

The number designates the owner of the distillery and each brand leaving that distillery, will bear that number. The NOM is a little number that graces all of Mexico’s agave bottles that decided to pay taxes or legally be recognized as tequila. The NOM is the best friend of the realist and the worst enemy of the marketer.  The NOM defines tequila:

let's define tequila together!

let’s define tequila together!

This does not mean that every tequila brand from the listed NOM is the same distillate or the same agave harvested from the same farm; but it could. At the least, NOMs produce tequilas that are quite similar and when a brand moves to a new distillery, the flavor changes.  There can be many exceptions to expected rules in tequila:

wait, put the what now in the where?

wait, put the what now in the where?

A famous example of this is how Patron is made at 5 or so different distilleries these days.  The brand originated at NOM —,the distillery where 7 Leguas is made now.  Tequila nerds often point this out in discussing a more authentic brand, but in reality it’s a completely different brand. As for Patron, I dare you to do a blind taste with it VS other blancos. If you are a Patron fan, you might find that it’s lighter than you’d remember. If you are a Patron hater, I’d first point out, you have 5 or so distilleries to narrow your hatred down too, and that Patron is likely both better and more expensive than you remember.  Also, remember, tequila isn’t always what it appears to be.  You need to ask the hard questions.

photo 2 (1)

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What is an NFG?

NFG

 

An NFG is like a FNG IN THAT IT IS ANOYING. An NFG is a “Non Functioning Garnish.”  Chefs call an NFG anything that you put on the plate that you don’t eat or that doesn’t serve a purpose for aroma. Cooking District has a good list of the common culprits here.  If you see these upon your plate, you’ll be certain that you are in the restaurant of a lazy, insipid, ass-clown.

 

But for cocktails, the rules are a bit different.  You can take a functional garnish, like a lemon zest, and by having not expressed its oils; you have rendered it an NFG.  Other NFGs in the cocktail world are:

 

    • Sinkers- a liqueur dripped to the bottom of the glass, not to add flavor or aroma
    • Wheels- Am I supposed to eat this lime or just not smell it?
    • Rinse- Pour flavor in the glass to season it and then pour money out of the glass to avoid too much flavor
    • Sugar Rim- hey, dum-dum, don’t add, aroma-less, crunchy things to the outside of a glass that also unbalance the drink

 

I am not a killjoy.  Let me go on record as saying I am 100% behind plastic mermaids getting saucy with the side of a cocktail glass BUT that stuff is only for those that have gone through the looking glass.  Like a fino sherry, gin and a bit of dry vermouth, a mermaid would swim in those salty seas and add levity to that doughty cocktail.

word a day non functional garnish nfg

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WTF? another FNG? The New Cocktail Vernacular, Acronym Suite

What is an FNG

Since Auguste Escoffier put forth the brigade system of kitchen order and rankings the food industry has been a bit obsessed with military metaphors.  It’s an easy to explain why, in a world of yelling, pointy sharp things, fire & chaos its good to have some order.  During the Vietnam Conflict (still not a war) soldiers would refer to new recruits as FNGs, meaning: Fucking New Guys.  FNGs wouldn’t know what to do and it would put their units in harm’s way.  FNG would later be assimilated into kitchen speak, again, for the obvious reasons, and I think it’s about time that it moves over to the bar as well.

In Nam, soldiers would say that FNGs “were still shitting stateside food.”  a modern bar analog would be that the bar’s FNG still “uses St Germain in everything.”  The military’s FNG was derided for lack of experience or fear but the restaurant FNG is also derided for bright-eyed optimism and a casual approach to the job.  An FNG, takes their time, doesn’t respect tools and their proper uses, has no perspective on history and worst of all, believes themself to be “special.”

FNGs are very relevant in the bar community because of how quickly someone can advance in the bar world.  I often meet brand ambassadors that list off their credentials about this, that and the other place and I know that half of them are bar back positions.  My mind says “I have your supposed manager’s number in my phone, shall I give him a call about your 3 month performance at Bourbon & Branch?”

word a day fucking new guy FNG

FNGs should be allowed to admit their lack of experience and ask questions.  They should be immersed in culture and learn their own place.  They should learn drink templates, buy their own tools, not do a fake “hard shake” and be helped by others.

We were all FNGs.  And with luck, and in advancement, you’ll find yourself as an FNG many more times as you advance in your career.  If you remember this as you decide on how to deal with FNGs you yourself, with be less of an FNG.

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What is NGS or GNS?

GNS or NGS is the holy ghost of the booze world.  My comfort is this blasphemous metaphor comes from the complete lack of definition and overwhelming pervasive nature of this spirit.

 

Grain Neutral Spirit or Neutral Grain spirit, is an industrial product distilled from anything or a mix of things.  The most likely culprits are corn, sugar cane and beets.  These are chosen because of their  high sugar content and their rock bottom prices.  NGS is eponymously neutral.  It is distilled up to 190 proof or 95% alcohol by volume to ensue maximum efficiency of distillation and flavorlessness.  It is an industrial product, there were you in Brazil, would be used to fuel a car or if you were in the Navy, would be used to clean boat engines.  If you’d like to start a vodka brand, you could use it for that too.

The majority of vodkas that come from distilleries you have never heard of are, most likely, in order of possible quality:

  1. NGS & Water -redistilled & filtered
  2. NGS, Water & Glycerin -redistilled & filtered
  3. NGS, Water, Glycerin & Sugar -redistilled & filtered
  4. NGS & Water  & filtered
  5. NGS, Water & Glycerin  & filtered
  6. NGS, Water, Glycerin & Sugar  & filtered
  7. oh, and some people add critic acid and chemical flavorings like “truffled butter waffles”

You might notice those last 3 or 4 involve combining industrial product water and calling ‘er done.  And that’s fine if the price on the shelf says “less than $15 because this is tantamount to floor cleaner.”  Unfortunately, often, that is not the case.

NGS is indeed the friend to scoundrel micro distillers of “vodka” but it also is essential for using as a base in gin, absinthe or liqueurs.  Classic style gins want a neutral base upon which to paint a botanical picture and liqueurs need a neutral base to well, not make them just juice & sugar.

NGS, the industrial workhorse, provides us with many lovely products and many affordable ones.  It is also what allows the infinite shit storm of flavored vodkas and tasteless marketing stories that take the form of vodka.  True, they all have different productions, but I challenge the finest palate to tell us the difference between Donald Trump’s Vodka & Flava Fav’s.

wordadayNGS

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