10 Rules of Drinking Like a Man #1 No Vodka

Rule 1: No Vodka

Order vodka, I view you as such

James Bond was a Gin Man

Or be a Gin Man

I have harped on this for too long so I’ll make it crystal fucking clear, there is nothing manly about vodka. Almost all domestic vodka is in fact industrial alcohol mixed with water. Vodka can only be sipped neat or taken as a shot, and even then, it is still kind of for lame babies. I know you are thinking 2 things, “James Bond drank vodka, and what about all of the Russians and Polish who swear by it?” James Bond hardly ever drank vodka, only in a movie, and only when the Smirnoff company paid the film maker for product placement. And on top of that he ordered a drink called a “Vodka Martini, “ when he meant: “Kangaroo Kicker (2 parts Vodka, 1 part Vermouth), “ but changed the name to suit an explanation. Try walking into your local pub and ordering a Gin Margarita, see how that goes over. As for the Russians and the Polish, you know how every time one of those guys are telling you how great vodka is there is a ton of, “do you know how great my country of origin is? Because I am proud of it and want to talk about it a lot.” Don’t be that guy, don’t listen to that guy. Most vodka is made to be colorless, odorless and thusly it is tasteless and that also mean that it is tasteless. Tasteless.

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16 Responses to 10 Rules of Drinking Like a Man #1 No Vodka

  1. Jake B. says:

    Should I feel ashamed because a gin margarita sounds good? Wouldn’t it be the same as a gimlet with a little orange liq. thrown in the mix? Add a little egg white and some bitters in the mix and I would be pleased (hopefully this drink doesn’t revoke my man card, if I even have one). One of my favorite blogs, keep up the great work!

    • caskstrength says:

      There is nothing to be ashamed of about a gin Margarita, just understand that is a, “gin sour, ” Or even better, order a Pegu Club Cocktail, which is indeed a gin margarita(with the addition of bitters), and the eponymous signature cocktail of the New York cocktail lounge started by Audrey Saunders.

      • Jake B. says:

        I was thinking Pegu Club at first too but there isn’t a non-alacohol sweetening agent like simple syrup or agave. Just kidding on the margarita referral as the British would probably have me drawn and quartered for making that association.

      • AynSavoy says:

        Wouldn’t a gin Margarita be a gin Daisy with lime instead of lemon?

      • caskstrength says:

        I’ve always know a daisy to have a touch of grenadine

      • AynSavoy says:

        Could be a different sweetener, cointreau or maraschino (I’ve never had a daisy with grenadine, but I’ve only had them at a couple bars). I just checked the Bon Vivant’s companion, and only thing all versions had in common was seltzer. Go figure!

  2. Alicia says:

    Two questions:

    1. You say there’s “nothing manly” about vodka. I’m willing to consider the claim. But your evidence is: a detail from the Bond novels is changed for the movie, and sometimes Polish and Russian vodka drinkers are annoying. This is hardly instructive.

    2. Have you tried the vodka made by the Dry Fly distillery in Spokane? It is exquisite — herbal and clean and with none of that horrible industrial burn. It is the furthest thing from tasteless. Maybe this is the exception that proves the rule?

  3. Hearts full of youth, hearts full of truth. Six parts gin to one part vermouth.

  4. And we can also thank Mr. Bond/Flemming for bringing us Martinis (and by extension, Manhattans) out of which the shit has been shaken, delivered to us cloudy, topped with a layer of ice shards.

  5. BT says:

    “Almost all domestic vodka is in fact industrial alcohol mixed with water”.

    Truth. There are times in life when one needs to medicate and this requires the purity, clarity, and strength of vodka. No caramel color or residual sugar to mess with your head. No complex flavoring or tannins to give your palate the illusion of a good time. Just an injection of ethanol to tame the nerves. Vodka is medical alcohol and it has its place. Other than that, I’m on board with the rest of the rules so far….

  6. Michelle says:

    So…I’m confused. I’m a girl. Is it okay that I’m drinking vodka soda as I read this post? Or do these rules also apply to me?

  7. Pingback: Drinking Like a Man is Coming Back. When? Now. « Caskstrength

  8. Pingback: 09.10.11: the lobby bar at pan pacific, belltown « fernet love

  9. Ole says:

    It’s a liquid, there is nothing female about it, just like there is nothing gay about a salad! Besides, if Vodka was so feminin, i doubt the roughest men on the planet, would be enjoying it as much as they are…

    • caskstrength says:

      me and my gay friends love salad. also drinking yourself to death on vodka is opposite of manly, it is cowardly. but I’d ask you, how does one, “take a joke?”

  10. Sridhar says:

    One thing is very clear here the author has no clue about russian vodka and how it is drunk.The person has to be an American who has no knowledge about the world

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