How to bite the hand that feeds you

I feel like my profession is at war with good taste. Aside from the fact that we (bartenders) aid people in making bad decisions, liquor companies try to get people to do stupid shit all the time too. For about 2 years I’ve been doing bartender surveys and focus groups. The main reason I’ve been doing this is to push my own agenda about tend. Example: For my first survey, when asked: what drinks are going to be hot? I answered the pisco sour. Every survey since has had a short list of “what drinks are selling?” always with the pisco sour being on of the chosen few. I recently was invited to a bulletin board discussion that started out fine, until question #4. I was asked, and I couldn’t hold back:

After you have submitted your answer to the questions below, please review and respond to the comments of others.

Now we’ll be talking about a new Ready to Drink Liquor catered to women aged 21-35. Examples of current                                  products are Hpnotiq, Tyku and Nuvo.

Please review the concept and trends information below for a Ready to Drink Liquor targeted to women aged 21-35.

What main flavor would you suggest for this new Ready to Drink Liquor targeted to women aged 21-35?

Please be certain to return to the web board over the next two days to comment on other bartenders’ suggestions.

She Bomb

She Bomb

I answered:
“Fuck you. Seriously, go fuck yourself. This is like asking me what fruit roll-up flavor should be made next. Spirits like this destroy the profession of bartending. hpnotiq is full of chemicals and looks like dish washing fluid. My girlfriend who is looking over my shoulder just asked me “why are you looking up bottles of lube?” The liquor store tells me that they have never seen a spirit (hpnotiq) have such a huge release to fall so far. What flavor should it be? How about the flavor of burning money?”

This is my honest feeling, and I finished the rest of the board, and have gone back to comment, seriously on other people’s posts. And I haven’t been kicked off yet. So if you see a lychee flavored chocolate liqueur in a year, well, I tried to save us.

And I still got paid

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4 Responses to How to bite the hand that feeds you

  1. The Chiz says:

    Brilliant….

  2. d says:

    aw, c’mon andrew. if they spend enough money rolling out this bullshit snapple booze, maybe the company will go under and then hpnotiq will go away, too. besides, you know you love the feeling of superiority when you see how vacuous most of the discussion is.

  3. ganymeda says:

    Oddly enough, isn’t next Saturday Peru’s National Pisco Sour Day?

  4. Pingback: A Vote for my Blog is a Vote for Irony! « Caskstrength

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