Cocktails strained through panties
Why, yes I do use Google analytics, so I recently found out that one surfer of the net came across my blog by searching the phrase, “cocktails strained through panties.” I type the word, “strain,” a lot and can recently recall using a colorful turn of phrase about the fictional Carrie Bradshaw and her under things. Anyway, I’m here today to give the people what they want, or perhaps the one guy in a basement somewhere the one thing he wants.
I’m not going to lie, the title of this blog post is slightly arousing, but after the first time I had considered the topic and the initial rush of blood had subsided, I could think of only one thing, not the miss-use of fine lace in some bizarre sexualized way, rather: I hate cucumber cocktails. A half-truth really, I love cucumbers, and they are ok in drinks (I have one on my menu). But the deviant that searched my blog for this reminded me how these drinks go wrong. Outside of caviar or whole pieces of herbs, anything found in drinks should indeed be fine enough to be strained through panties. Slightly more practical (and you’ll notice, I have no pictures of panties used for such a purpose) is a fine strainer. The fine strainer is best used in with every cocktail except those containing eggs. But to address the cucumber problem, it’s as simple as straining. A cocktail that has floating bits of cucumber in it has a very difficult time tasting of anything other than the floating bits of cucumber you are eating as you drink it. Whereas the cocktail that has been fine strained will taste of the essences, water and oils of the fruit smashed inside mixed with the flavors of spirits.
When little shards of ice float about the surface of drink, poetic though it may seem, its bad form. Also, hopefully if you are fresh squeezing juices for a sour, pulp with dance about in the drink, making a “squiddey,” texture. God forbid, you were to shake a drink with herbs and let bits of greenery become wedged in you patron’s teeth. All of these things can be fixed with the use of a fine strainer, panties or otherwise.