Rule 1: No Vodka
I have harped on this for too long so I’ll make it crystal fucking clear, there is nothing manly about vodka. Almost all domestic vodka is in fact industrial alcohol mixed with water. Vodka can only be sipped neat or taken as a shot, and even then, it is still kind of for lame babies. I know you are thinking 2 things, “James Bond drank vodka, and what about all of the Russians and Polish who swear by it?” James Bond hardly ever drank vodka, only in a movie, and only when the Smirnoff company paid the film maker for product placement. And on top of that he ordered a drink called a “Vodka Martini, “ when he meant: “Kangaroo Kicker (2 parts Vodka, 1 part Vermouth), “ but changed the name to suit an explanation. Try walking into your local pub and ordering a Gin Margarita, see how that goes over. As for the Russians and the Polish, you know how every time one of those guys are telling you how great vodka is there is a ton of, “do you know how great my country of origin is? Because I am proud of it and want to talk about it a lot.” Don’t be that guy, don’t listen to that guy. Most vodka is made to be colorless, odorless and thusly it is tasteless and that also mean that it is tasteless. Tasteless.