10 Rules of Drinking Like a Man #1 No Vodka

Rule 1: No Vodka

Order vodka, I view you as such

James Bond was a Gin Man

Or be a Gin Man

I have harped on this for too long so I’ll make it crystal fucking clear, there is nothing manly about vodka. Almost all domestic vodka is in fact industrial alcohol mixed with water. Vodka can only be sipped neat or taken as a shot, and even then, it is still kind of for lame babies. I know you are thinking 2 things, “James Bond drank vodka, and what about all of the Russians and Polish who swear by it?” James Bond hardly ever drank vodka, only in a movie, and only when the Smirnoff company paid the film maker for product placement. And on top of that he ordered a drink called a “Vodka Martini, “ when he meant: “Kangaroo Kicker (2 parts Vodka, 1 part Vermouth), “ but changed the name to suit an explanation. Try walking into your local pub and ordering a Gin Margarita, see how that goes over. As for the Russians and the Polish, you know how every time one of those guys are telling you how great vodka is there is a ton of, “do you know how great my country of origin is? Because I am proud of it and want to talk about it a lot.” Don’t be that guy, don’t listen to that guy. Most vodka is made to be colorless, odorless and thusly it is tasteless and that also mean that it is tasteless. Tasteless.

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18 Responses to 10 Rules of Drinking Like a Man #1 No Vodka

  1. Jake B. says:

    Should I feel ashamed because a gin margarita sounds good? Wouldn’t it be the same as a gimlet with a little orange liq. thrown in the mix? Add a little egg white and some bitters in the mix and I would be pleased (hopefully this drink doesn’t revoke my man card, if I even have one). One of my favorite blogs, keep up the great work!

    • caskstrength says:

      There is nothing to be ashamed of about a gin Margarita, just understand that is a, “gin sour, ” Or even better, order a Pegu Club Cocktail, which is indeed a gin margarita(with the addition of bitters), and the eponymous signature cocktail of the New York cocktail lounge started by Audrey Saunders.

      • Jake B. says:

        I was thinking Pegu Club at first too but there isn’t a non-alacohol sweetening agent like simple syrup or agave. Just kidding on the margarita referral as the British would probably have me drawn and quartered for making that association.

      • AynSavoy says:

        Wouldn’t a gin Margarita be a gin Daisy with lime instead of lemon?

      • caskstrength says:

        I’ve always know a daisy to have a touch of grenadine

      • AynSavoy says:

        Could be a different sweetener, cointreau or maraschino (I’ve never had a daisy with grenadine, but I’ve only had them at a couple bars). I just checked the Bon Vivant’s companion, and only thing all versions had in common was seltzer. Go figure!

  2. Alicia says:

    Two questions:

    1. You say there’s “nothing manly” about vodka. I’m willing to consider the claim. But your evidence is: a detail from the Bond novels is changed for the movie, and sometimes Polish and Russian vodka drinkers are annoying. This is hardly instructive.

    2. Have you tried the vodka made by the Dry Fly distillery in Spokane? It is exquisite — herbal and clean and with none of that horrible industrial burn. It is the furthest thing from tasteless. Maybe this is the exception that proves the rule?

  3. Hearts full of youth, hearts full of truth. Six parts gin to one part vermouth.

  4. And we can also thank Mr. Bond/Flemming for bringing us Martinis (and by extension, Manhattans) out of which the shit has been shaken, delivered to us cloudy, topped with a layer of ice shards.

  5. BT says:

    “Almost all domestic vodka is in fact industrial alcohol mixed with water”.

    Truth. There are times in life when one needs to medicate and this requires the purity, clarity, and strength of vodka. No caramel color or residual sugar to mess with your head. No complex flavoring or tannins to give your palate the illusion of a good time. Just an injection of ethanol to tame the nerves. Vodka is medical alcohol and it has its place. Other than that, I’m on board with the rest of the rules so far….

  6. Michelle says:

    So…I’m confused. I’m a girl. Is it okay that I’m drinking vodka soda as I read this post? Or do these rules also apply to me?

  7. Pingback: Drinking Like a Man is Coming Back. When? Now. « Caskstrength

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  9. Ole says:

    It’s a liquid, there is nothing female about it, just like there is nothing gay about a salad! Besides, if Vodka was so feminin, i doubt the roughest men on the planet, would be enjoying it as much as they are…

    • caskstrength says:

      me and my gay friends love salad. also drinking yourself to death on vodka is opposite of manly, it is cowardly. but I’d ask you, how does one, “take a joke?”

  10. Sridhar says:

    One thing is very clear here the author has no clue about russian vodka and how it is drunk.The person has to be an American who has no knowledge about the world

  11. Muzhik says:

    My friend, you have indeed been disappointed by the junk vodka of the West.

    To help me phrase this better, imagine that that vodka can be compared to automobiles. Now, say that the vodka you’re prone to finding in an English-Speaking country, like U.S.A or the U.K. is like a BMW from at least the better part of a decade ago, was designed to be a family car, and has an automatic gearbox. It’s not exactly a bad car by any stretch of the imagination, but if you had the more tuned, performance version, you’d swear on your life that they’re totally different classes of machines.

    Almost all vodka available in the West is genuinely crap. Forget whatever you’ve heard about Tito’s, Ketel 1, Svedka, Absolut… Forget Grey Goose — no idea how it got that killer rep, but it doesn’t deserve it. Forget Stolichnaya allegedly being “Russian” — it’s not; the export stuff is made in Latvia and is very different from the domestic Russian version. Forget Smirnoff, as that’s really junk. Hell, even Kutskova, a genuine Russian vodka, pales compared to the offerings in the motherland. To put it in perspective, if you wanted good pizza, would you buy it from Ecuador? No, that’d be silly; you’d get it from Italians.

    How to describe good Russian vodka? The one word is ‘bracing’. There’s a fire to it. If you’re not ready, or you’re used to drinks so watered down and sweet that you cringe at the thought of straight tea or even a hoppy beer, you’re going to have a hard time. It’s honestly like a good whiskey, with a subtle flavor, a burn, some kick to it, but it’s never harsh or unpleasant. Vodka shouldn’t have an oily taste or feel to it either; that’s crap “wodka”. A good vodka should be like kindling an inner fire. It should be just a bit strong before you feel that sensation wash away to be replaced by the feeling of an inner heat suffuse throughout your body like feeling a fire after a stint in the snow. Of course there should be a taste, otherwise there would be no joy or pull to the vodka.

    Just because it isn’t grueling doesn’t make good vodka any less manly. All throughout eastern Europe, any man worthy of the title will gladly guzzle vodka right from the neck of the bottle without flinching. Lots of foreigners don’t get how they do it. It’s simple, good vodka and good practice.


    Muzhik Kalash

  12. Khanzada Fatir says:

    james bond had vodka martini because the author of the novels (where the movies came from later) named commander Ian Fleming loved vodka martini and he had put alot of his own tastes and habits into him.
    the smirnoff might have done so in some film but that wasn’t the actual reason.

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