There are ten rules of drinking like a man, the intro:

10 Rules Of Drinking Like A Man.

Men, It isn’t your fault no one taught you what to drink. We are going to fix that now.

Ladies, If you see a man break any of these rules you can be assured he is egotistical, close minded, weak, lacks creativity and thusly a bad fuck.

After reading this you might find that cocktail menus and the general consensus of sane (not blogging) people says otherwise. You might say, “Hey Andrew, this doesn’t seem to be how things work, ” you will think that because it isn’t how things work. Well, it isn’t how they work anymore. But I pose to you, evaluate the man who has placed a menu in front of you offering up an, “X-TREME MANGO MOJITO,” do you really trust him with with high quality and impeccable taste? The world of drinks, drinking and bars fit nicely into 2 small compartments: ” T.G.I. Mc Flingers in a strip mall,” or, “Don Draper,” where do you stand?

Here are my 10 rules. They start off negative and then I teach, because I need to break you down before I build you up. Lastly, this is a lot of information, so I’ll let us do them one at a time. But, this is what you have to look forward to:

Rule 1: No Vodka

Rule 2: No “Tinis”

Rule 3: No Light Beer, unless…

Rule 4: Jack Daniel’s Is For Pussies

Rule 5: Order The Right Drink In The Right Bar At The Right Time

Rule 6: Cash, the Etiquette of Dollars

Rule 7: Own Your Drink and the Glass It Is In

Rule 8: Order Champagne, Often

Rule 9: Own a Flask And Good Home Barware

Rule 10: Know Your Limits

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16 Responses to There are ten rules of drinking like a man, the intro:

  1. Josh B. says:

    You have my attention, sir.

  2. Alicia says:

    Frankly, this is disappointing. This series presumes that drinking well is the equivalent of drinking like a man. I don’t see why you have to use such gendered language. You could simply have gone with “drinking well,” or even “drinking like you know what you are doing.”

    I’m wondering: what does it mean to drink like a man? Do you get all sweaty when you do it? Is there some kind of DNA test I have to pass before I can try it, just to make sure a woman doesn’t sneak through?

    What about your readers and drinkers who are female? Where does this series leave us? On the sidelines, judging how a man drinks while not partaking ourselves? Where’s the fun in that?

    • caskstrength says:

      This is an excellent criticism, but please allow me to explain. I have a friend who had an absent father, and who is sub consciously if not regularly consciously, is very interested in being, “manly.” I wrote this based on a request from him. Yes you are correct, it would be better to refer to this as, “a guide to drinking well,” but I basically wrote this geared towards men that don’t know better, men who are with the herd because they know no other way. And as this series unfolds, hopefully you will see, if I have crafted it well enough, “that drinking like a man,” is about independent well informed thought. Informed thought is an arena in which women far exceed men, and I would not presuppose to have the knowledge to inform women, of being more womenly. I do however, have great experience of knowing, at great length, what men do wrong in life and drinking. So, thanks for keeping me honest, I won’t pull any punches, but give me 8 more posts before you decide if I am as full of it as I sound.

      • Alicia says:

        Thank you so much for the clarification — it helps to know the story, though I still am a bit hung up on the gender-specific language.

        Maybe this is just an issue of blog personal style, but I wonder: was there a reason you didn’t put your friend’s story in the body of the post? I can understand being reticent to put personal details on the internet — either your own or someone else’s — but this reads much differently when you know it’s meant for a specific situation.

      • Alan says:

        Well put. Or you could always try the “order anything and tell the bartender to put in in a rocks glass because you don’t like girly stemware”. Or the “add a minor specification and order it with authority”, e.g. “Ketel Soda. With a lemon AND a lime.”

    • Bryan says:

      Aren’t there easier ways than a DNA test to determine if you are a woman?

      CaskStrength: “Ma’am, I’m going to need you to spread your cheeks and lift your sack.”
      Woman: “I’ve got a drivers license too.”

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  4. stephenbeaumont says:

    Rule 1: No Vodka

    Millions of Russians, Poles, Estonians, etc. would disagree with you on that one, sir.

    • caskstrength says:

      Like I said, not popular with those folks, I bet they also would hate the way vodka is made in America, citric acid and glycerin additives, artificially flavoured vodkas and sugary sweet vodka cocktails. none of that respects vodka. When my friend’s mother, dearest Ludmilla, who escaped the USSR back in 1978 through film worthy exploits, orders a vodka from my in an accent so thick it hits the bar like a hammer, she gets a vodka. But the kids these days don’t know, so I don’t go easy on them.

  5. Michelle says:

    I LOVE this list of 10 rules. I have two males friends who are always fighting over which one is more manly. I just crafted a quick quiz based on these 10 points that I’ll make them answer…and that’ll be the answer on which is more ‘manly’!

  6. swanny says:

    nearly 7 months since the caustic brilliance of ” 10 rules for Drinking like a Man”…Stop playing with your bandsaw boy!!!! Post something…anything!

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  8. Ali says:

    Hear hear! My husband and I (both avid drinkers, and lovers of *good* drinks) have been eagerly awaiting the next installments. Ordering the Right Drink in the Right Bar at the Right Time has become a favorite game of ours that we play whenever we go somewhere new. Please finish the rest of the rules, and don’t leave us hanging!

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  11. Jason says:

    Where are Rules 9 and 10. Number 10 seems self-explanatory, but I enjoyed the personality and insights in Rules 1-8 and so searched your blog in vain for the last two, thinking (wishing) they had been mis-tagged or some such oversight.

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