Holiday Flask Guide: Après Ski

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The Après Ski edition of the holiday flask guide isn’t just about hitting slopes, it’s also about having something to do on a ski lift. It is a time honored tradition to get flasky on the mountain and this is my selection of what you should actually drink while you are pretending to be in a Coors Light commercial.

 

But wait, Not from Connecticut, don’t do winter break in the alps or are you looking up the word après ski? Well these sweet, warming oddballs will work for any outdoor winter activity, maybe even just caroling.  Too secular for caroling? No you aren’t, I was raised Unitarian and I know that you can just say whatever word you want when the song gets to “insert deity,” and no one is the wiser.   You can also drink these outside, at a football game, at the intermission of a Christmas pageant or while shredding down fine champagne powder.

HOLIDAY FLASK GUIDE APRES SKI

 

Malört— a type of liquid tattoo that you get on your tongue that coincidentally also has a powerfully vicious wormwood flavor. malört face

Green Chartreuse VEP— the oak aged version of Green Chartreuse sands off the bite of alcohol

Green Chartreuse— 110 proof, herbal as fuck, drinks like a scratchy wool scarf that has cough syrup spilled on it

Athol Brose— a proprietary brose, which is an herbal scotch liqueur sweetened with honey and oats, this one is on a base of 10 year scotch and tastes of scotch blended with some sort of sexy toothpaste & honeycomb

Becherovka— my wife once quoted the 90’s, saying “it tastes like welfare Christmas” but I’d say it tastes like a ginger snap with a like crisp bitterness, makes a great toddy

Yellow Chartreuse VEP—tastes like a bouquet of flowers boiled in water, sweetened with honey & poured over pancakes

Drambuie 15 — the aged Drambuie that tastes better poured out of the bottle than 9 out of 10 craft cocktails

Yellow Chartreuse— the lighter, sweeter Chartreuse, start here

Génépi— an alpine herb, an accessible, full flavored herbal

Grand Marnier— always excellent, always available, if you aren’t in America, the exotic orange blend is a must try, If you are in America, I hope you enjoyed their cherry bottling **sarcastic emoticon**

Drambuie— eh, it’s like a illustrated, abridged version of the Hobbit compared to the Silmarillion of the rest of this chart

Bärenjäger— this is for babies, it is delicious candy that will split your head open like the bear’s beehive with you ensuing hangover, but, it’s great during

Rumple Minz— when I was a kid, the punks would shoot this proprietary 100 proof peppermint schnapps and listen to Wesley Willis

Every Coffee Liquor under $20— BOOOOOOOOOO, but, if you spend more, they can be good

Jägermeister— talk shit all you want, but one day, someone is goind to blind taste you on Jåger and you’ll say “what is this new amaro?”

Home-made coffee liqueur— look, quit infusing coffee beans, that sucks, blend aged rum with sugar and cold press or fuck off

Stroh— I won’t say where, but I know a bar that pours this for annoying guests and tells them that this profoundly shitty, 160 proof rum is something rare & special

Kümmel— technically an after golf liqueur, this caraway liqueur isn’t very popular and is often found with an unfortunate layer of dust on it but I love it, all by myself

Zirbenlikör— I hate hearing that “gin tastes like pine cones,” THIS TASTES LIKE PINECONES, because it’s ground up purple pinecones mixed with booze and honey, if it’s too gnarly for you, mix it with brandy and pineapple juice

 

FLASK(s) OF THE DAY

 

The Gentlemen’s Ski Pole is a home-made flask is the ski pole. Enjoy the DIY guide here. Otherwise, it’s fairly important to NOT fall on a metal flask when skiing, try this collapsible one. Worst case scenario is that it would pop, rendering you sticky, but likely minty fresh.

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