10 Rules of Drinking Like a Man #3 No Light Beer, Unless…

Rule 3: No Light Beer, unless…

99 out of 100 people don’t work hard enough to drink light beer. Light beer is for hard, blue collar work and for hard, redneck play time. Though I am a fan of both, most don’t achieve such greatness often.

Here is a handy chart to let you know what to drink:

for perfection, only gaucamole is missing

for perfection, only guacamole is missing

Light beer time:

  1. Used a hammer
  2. Just hung drywall
  3. On a boat
  4. Someone near you not wearing a shirt
  5. Can smell grilled meat
  6. Pizza
  7. Can hear a lawnmower
  8. Wearing shorts

But the Finkels of Pike Brewery will have an ale with their bowtie and craft brews, thank you very much

Ale Time:

  1. Touched a keyboard recently
  2. Signed legal papers
  3. On a boat that has a TV
  4. Someone near you wearing a tie
  5. Menu isn’t in English
  6. Foie Gras
  7. Can hear a saxophone
  8. Wearing something ironed

 

You see, both categories are indeed awesome signs of achievement in manliness, however, each category has different rules. That isn’t very hard. Light beer is for drinking all day long, it is for when you just physically can’t drink 6 micro brews. Most people that like light beer, don’t actually like light beer, or beer in general. LIGHT BEER IS GENERALLY 30 CALORIES LESS PER BOTTLE THAN A REGULAR BEER. So, if you drink 6 light beers, you are still putting 600 extra calories in your body, toss in 2 shots of Jagermeister and you are up to 1,000 calories of one Friday night out. AND THAT IS WHAY YOU ARE FAT. And, if you have 6 beers and a couple of Jager shots, I’m certain you won’t be working off any calories having sex that night. Light beer is a compromise on every front, quality, taste, and class, it only wins in quantity. Is that McDonald’s sentiment something you want to be a part of? While we are at it, you should probably know the basic differences between beer:

Ale: Beer that is fermented warm, or top fermenting, made in the summer drank in the winter. Ales are what the folks up here in the Northwest are obsessed with, specifically cramming hops into their ale. These spicy hops are what we grow up here, and it is typical of the West coast micro brews. You know ale styles like Pale, Scotch, and I.PA. and darker styles like Barley Wine, Stouts and Porters.

Lager: Beer that is fermented cold or bottom fermenting, made in the winter drank in the summer. Pilsners, Bocks and Marzens are Lagers you would know. There are lighter bodied dark lagers, but most lagers fall into 2 camps: European beers from cold places and American beers designed for fear of flavor.

Belgian: While Belgian beers are a style of ale, they are prolific and diverse enough to understand as their own category. The defining difference is a second and sometimes third fermentation that is occurring in the bottle. Belgian beers are alive, the yeast is still eating sugar and pooping booze into your beer. Belgians are generally higher alcohol because of this and have a very complex flavor from sour and earthy to malty and chocolaty.

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7 Responses to 10 Rules of Drinking Like a Man #3 No Light Beer, Unless…

  1. Jake B. says:

    “Session” beers are wonderful beers for those who start drinking early in the day, due to the fleeting summers of the NW, and don’t want to navigate a full on daytime blackout from consuming 14 double IPAs (not sure if that is even possible). However, I have to say it can be pretty amusing to witness someone completely blacked out during the daylight hours (for a bit)

  2. Mary says:

    So where do the lambics fall in all of this?

    • caskstrength says:

      Lambics are ales that are brewed with wild yeast or, “spontaneous,” fermentation and then re-fermented. They are offten fruited Belgian ales, with high acidity they are excellent food beers. Many lambics that show up in America are low alcohol beers brewed with the addition of juice, but Europe holds several that are high alcohol and dangerous. For me, the lambic or a geuze has a sweet and sour acidity that makes them undrinkable unless there is a cheese plate or something fried around, but then they are unmatched.

  3. Rocky says:

    I drank light beer today. I was catering and grilling. I also built the grill.

  4. Pingback: Drinking Like a Man is Coming Back. When? Now. « Caskstrength

  5. Seriously, in a list called `drinkin like a man` there shouldnt be any occasion in which you´re allowed to drink light beer

  6. Chris says:

    Light beer is by definition not manly. The clue is the word “light”.

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